




Now don't be dismissive of daytime TV
Or feel any guilt at the time you call free
A face fills the screen and engages with you
Or a honey-toned voice-over person will do
To tell you some things and to show you some friends
You don't have to stay till the episode ends
You know the presenters and watched them evolve
To switch them off suddenly takes some resolve
It feels so unfriendly and heartless but then
They're always so happy to see you again
With their property pottery plants and antiques
The stories complete without plots taking weeks
Participants gladly delightedly wear
The best of their faces and outfits and hair
All styled and revised to appeal to your eyes
And none of it wrecked in a fight for a prize
It's warm but not meaningful nice and not deep
Relaxing informative soothing and cheap



She called it a gapanthus
It’s a mystery my dear
I won it in a raffle
Not the crystal chandelier
But a pot with no instructions
Lacking clarity I fear
Just hinting with its leafage
That a flower might appear
So I’ll watch its progress daily
For at least about a year
Or until it dies or I do
I have simply no idea
Are its flowers firm or floppy
Are they fat or like a spear
Are they fragrant are they lasting
Would they fit behind the ear
Like a dainty little daisy
Or a big ballooning sphere
An enormous bursting firework
Quick to bloom and disappear
Now the waiting’s quite exciting
So I do not want to hear
From the friends who know it backwards
All well-meaning and sincere
No AI or gardeners’ programme
Is allowed to interfere
But when petals open I’ll invite
An expert panel here
And meanwhile I shall sprinkle it
With crisps and bottled beer
And hope a panthus doesn’t need
Instructions that are clear

This is a song – I’ve recorded myself singing it! but if you’re reading this in an email, you need to click here to get audio.











There was nobody there in departures No nobody no-one at all Except for the uniformed lady I faced at the end of the hallRead on and see picture




Dear reader you deserve some art there's no remuneration For all your time and being such a source of motivationRead on





look at the people all marching about making the most of the hour that they’re out swinging their arms all the bags are at home furloughed along with the iron and the comb no defined route just the whim of their feet swerving round all other soldiers they meet randomly crissing and crossing the green imagine some lines showing where they have been a map of their journeys like tangled up string with no destination extraordinary thing a fast-forward film of the aerial view would show all the dogs passing very quick poo and speed up the shoppers in Sainsbury’s queue we balcony dwellers need something to do like hang from a rope or a flying trapeze abandon all hope or swing down from your knees be gloomy and mope or sail over the trees and show you can cope with restrictions like these
How large is your problem How long is a string What counts as catastrophe Any old thing Good towels gone rigid Fresh cornflakes gone soft That thing that you liked Surely lost from the loft Your socks all unravelled Your teabag just burst Such things didn’t seem Quite so tragic at first When news was exciting And frightening and new And clearing out cupboards Was cheering to do What fun it was finding And fondling old junk And poking in plugholes And hoking out gunk But now for a challenge It's glum in this trough Let’s have some explosions Big fever bad cough An earthquake that sweeps you Off north on a flood Through rough seas and cyclones To boiling hot mud How big is your problem What's really at stake It’s not Armageddon To run out of cake Whatever you suffered And dreaded before The way to forget it Is suffer some more
News on 18th November 2020 Main Street in Leicestershire village to Close for Roadworks on 16th January 2021 The people are lovely in Measham Just not on the national stage They keep to the rules about Covid Well no-one’s been out for an age So what’s to be talked of in Measham They feel they are not where it’s at The regional news is too ghastly They need some community chat Beyond friends and family on facebook What gossip can neighbours all share Not football or glitzy occasions The Measham Times’ pages are bare But something has grown on a grapevine That’s Leicestershire Live it’s an app There’s going to be action in Measham To put the place back on the map It’s happening right at the centre The slow-beating heart of the town The word will get round pretty quickly To strap on your mask and get down There’s 32 hours of excitement Predicted in Leicestershire Live See action discuss the diversion Just go for that perilous drive Reporters competing for access Photographers lenses aloft Big cameras and microphones waving On sticks and all fluffy and soft Recording the road works in High Street In how many weeks only 8 In 4 no-one knows about Christmas So cling to that Severn Trent date
Hilarity in Poetry and Woeful Verses Weekly
Are necessary someone has to put the effort in
O who has time for rigid rhyme I think it’s me uniquely
It’s tough to write this awful guff but people need to grin
So moil and toil and midnight oil it’s not too late and vital
We’re going down with fatal frowns and serious insides
I think you’ll find I saved mankind with stanzas and a title
Or else it’s yikes I got no likes and everybody’s died
Could lyrics raise the spirits quick we haven’t very long
There’s still a chance so do you fancy bursting into song
They maintain a sense of humour
In the face of lethal tumour
Death and torture fire and flooding
Never mind the trees are budding
They are blissful home alone
With a companionable phone
If they’re about we jump and shout
We’re going out with Liz and Tone
They find it very funny
If you offer any money
And do nothing else but laugh
At your attempt to give them half
They think nothing could be worse
Than someone getting out a purse
Another day is what they’ll say
Or you could pay in rhyming verse
They have reasons to be weary
Sad and anxious but they’re cheery
Smartly dressed to feel their best
In natty trousers nicely pressed
Their lovely smiles are full of glee
As if their favourite person’s me
So consistently resilient
What a brilliant way to be