Category: Rhyme

Merry Christmas 2025

Christmas with elves and verses of yore
Which regular readers have read before

The Present Value of Things

THE GIVER 

I used to visit every shop in town 
and wonder why
You'd thank me for the kind of foolish thing 
I thought I'd buy
I'd go another day and look again 
and wonder what
You’d like about a silly gift 
you previously got
So days went by with nothing bought 
and Christmas came and went 
No cards were posted out 
and there were zero presents sent
The guilt was just tremendous 
and the shame of it intense
So now I do a different thing 
at minimal expense

THE RECIPIENT

A poem as a Christmas present thank you very much
Is better than a thermal vest and pantaloons and such
I'm wearing 2 of each a fluffy onesie and a hat
A cardigan a dressing gown as well on top of that
The price of oil has fashioned all the latest clothing trends
So these are what you tend to get from relatives and friends
But look you sent an envelope my gosh whatever next
And here's a quick response that I shall type you as a text
Are poems cheap or priceless as an option for a gift
Are people overjoyed or do they seem a little miffed
Of all the things that I received I liked your thing the most
Because despite the price of stamps you put it in the post

A Christmas Coronary

May God rest you merry
Champagne or sweet sherry
Some goat's cheese to start
In a tart
Goose gammon wine mustard
Pies port pudding custard
Then should you depart
It's your heart

Winter Timetables

I see from these tables of darkness
We’ve 16 long hours to get through
But look it says here there are also
3 levels of twilight who knew
Astronomical twilight is darkest
The stars not the people are bright
You wake astronomically sleepy
Not ready to give up your  night
But next comes the Nautical twilight
You’re out on the sea in a boat
Still going by stars in this dimness
Set sails and just keep it afloat
Level 3 we are told is called Civil
You reach full politeness at dawn
If you meet someone chatty and sprightly
Smile tightly and stifle a yawn
Some fine cloudless dusk in December
Just watch till the twilights are gone
If people have stopped being civil
They won't put their fairy lights on

I Lost My Voice

I lost my voice at Christmas
And the silence was surprising
The monologue was gone
And there was no-one deputising
No announcing resolutions 
Singing hymns for auld lang syne
No nostalgic reminiscing
Even full of gargled wine
And I couldn’t ask and answer
My own questions as I do
So everybody else discovered
They could do it too

The Aftermath

Ah season's greetings warm but fleeting
Fill your glass is past
So now we're peeved and can’t believe 
We got so fat so fast
No peace on earth just massive girth
From festive fun to none
No sign round here of Christmas cheer 
Beyond a bulging bum
Fear not they said be glad instead
Rejoice in what you've got
The certainty that recently
We ate an awful lot

A week of quick and foolish poems

NaPoWriMo ?!? means the nation has to write a poem a day in April.  Here's my week 1 which had 6 days.

Do I Miss the Excitement

There was always a task in the world I was in
And always another nineteen
It wasn’t a question of which you would like 
Or where you would rather have been
Or if you would tackle them one at a time
They had to be juggled – yes twenty
Like great flaming torches with axes and knives
Now tossing a pancake is plenty

Rubbish in the Night

Think about that
And think about this
And think about that some more
What is the purpose 
Of thinking of things
In the morning at twenty to four

Thinking of that
Reminds me of this
And leads to the other and on
And on till the nonsense
Dissolves in a dream
So by twenty to nine it has gone

Sorry if it Doesn’t Make Sense

I can’t seem to laugh 
At my prose paragraph
But the rhyming verse keeps me amused
The sense will be changed
And the words rearranged
Till the reader and I are confused

Live Long and Prosper


Poetry doesn’t have to rhyme
And in doing so it takes up a huge proportion of the writer’s time
You could have sold many a successful novel
In the time it took to produce 4 perfect lines in your miserable hovel
You could have been wined and dined on a world book launch tour
Or stayed true to your dubious talents and poor

Life is too short
For poems of this sort

O for the End of NaPoWriMo 
This one is a disgraceful lyric parody 
from The Sound of Music

Po a pot a fine Ming pot
Po an infant’s favourite word
Po in case I wet myself
Po a place to put a turd
Na no better things to write
Mo hang on and have a go
Wri this acronym is shite
But it gets you started so
Collect your poems in a Po
Rhyme O

Be Friendly

Hello You on the edge of the gathering
Spruced up in a fetching blue hat
We’re all here enthusing and blathering
No chance of you joining the chat

These topics are desperately boring
To anyone not in the loop
I don’t want the guilt of ignoring
So let’s form a breakaway group

I’ll ask you some questions politely
And give you a turn at the bat
And you may berate me quite rightly
For treating you rudely like that

And why did we want to avoid you
And try not to look in your eye
Our attitude really annoyed you
So now we are all going to die

Legal Discourse

It’s wonderful to listen to a view that’s well expressed
Convincingly with elegance a hand upon the breast
The confidence of eloquence the thumbs inside the vest
Or waving swords of truth the shield of valour and the rest

Impeccably grammatical with clarity of thought
Yes logical and lyrical and flowing as it ought
Besides the crystal diction there are sounds that can’t be taught
Of thinking being harnessed and attention being caught

The content could be nonsense or just slightly subtly wrong
Informed by Harry Potter books or operatic song
As long as no-one tries to make the sentences too long
We’d have to say this argument is jolly blinking strong

Or rather we are minded to concur the case is clear
No need for further evidence we heard it over here
Entranced and deeply moved it isn’t done to clap and cheer
Each member of the audience just sheds a little tear

These Brexit vote debates demand we be not quite so dense
As to be swayed by legal words like heretofore and hence
We beg to ask the Speaker pray be seated on the fence
And bring the bastard benchers to the House of Common Sense