She holds her head and flagpole high Like Boadicea do or die And rides without a battle cry Away for 7 seconds Her graceful steed goes gently round An organ plays no trumpets sound I'm watching standing on the ground Waiting 7 seconds Her 2-year-old is right beside her Tiny car and eager driver All our smiles are getting wider Every 7 seconds We're more and more enthusiastic Fancy seeing you fantastic Here we come on painted plastic Every 7 seconds There's no-one out but us and staff No audience to think we're daft We wave and wave and laugh and laugh Every 7 seconds
I flew back from England to see my poor mum
In fear of sad words and last parting
She was crying with laughter and glad that I'd come
That man over there can't stop farting
She whispered a nurse put a pipe in his bum
Her hospital fun was just starting
Despite her low numbers she didn't succumb
It wasn’t her mood they were charting
She wasn’t expecting to hear a guitar
Just behind the thin fabric partition
Is it angels in there it depends how they are
Most patients just need the musician
Two verses of Edelweiss small repertoire
Enough is enough repetition
Mum's band with maracas was better by far
Do they not have some kind of physician
Last night when I came she was grumbling away
I listened to what was the matter
She’d like a cream tea a nice cloth on a tray
And six kinds of cake on a platter
The chef sends her gruel both lumpy and grey
She’s getting too hungry to chatter
So we’re home to do dumplings and doughnuts all day
Sink our fangs in meringues and get fatter
Hey workers don’t be sitting here like stone All grim grey clothes and faces don’t go home Let’s go to the next party! Don’t mind if you’re a mess forget your meals I’ve got the pure white fishnet tights and heels The porcelain skin long neck exquisite lips The ballerina shape and can-can hips I’ll take you! Too bad you need to do those toilet things And sweat and cry grow excess hair and cough You bend your elbows do the twist and sing I’ll party till my head and legs come off We’re stopping! See me bouncing to and fro? Come on you workers pick me up let’s go!
Conversing with strangers at banquets Or drinks parties what do you say To keep things polite and avoid a big fight With blows and torn clothes and affray Don’t start with the pope that’s a slippery slope Or a war or your horrible day They’ll only throw canapés that isn’t right Hit them over the head with the tray If you’re faced with a pessimist just a light slap Stops them moaning the world’s at the dogs You might let a lot of wine land in their lap When they say it’s all desert and bogs You can try to do weather just keeping it light But there’s only one topic for some They’ll agree that the sun has returned from the night But insist that it shines from their bum So tell me of something you really enjoyed Have you come far and where have you been? You can hide what you think and you won’t get annoyed If you trained on a course with the Queen
THE RHYMING TIMES 