The Devil Wrote the Diet Books

The devil wrote the diet books
So pudding is a sin
You lose your heart to a big jam tart
He’s chalking up a win

Your shoulder holds a tiny fiend
His trident holds some chips
He buys his souls with sausage rolls
Saliva wets your lips

It’s better not to roast in hell
But frying makes you fatter
Perhaps we’ll bake – have chocolate cake
It isn’t going to matter

You gorged your way to Judgement Day
He won you fair and square
It all began with the frying pan
And into the flames from there

Find sports to play – kick fat away
Foul demons, flee chastised!
I scored a goal with a profiterole
But mine weren’t exorcised

They couldn’t give a fiendish fart
They play a different game
Do health and virtue hell can’t hurt you
Salad what a shame

That cloud of low-fat cottage cheese
My angel came from there
In a heavenly dress of watercress
A lettuce for her hair

Her halo a dish of the whitest fish
Her skin of peach no cream
I ate a plate of fudge and satan
Made my angel scream

That’s her battle song she saved me
And advised me tell the judge
Well My Lord to gain this weight I ate
More fruit and veg than fudge

She said cherubim are never slim
They grow to power the choir
We are guardian sopranos
Ever mightier and higher

To be sturdy is a glorious thing
The devil’s such a liar
We shout rejoice to drown his voice
And taunts like pants on fire

But he’s still the Prince of Darkness
Mortals can’t be too sarcastic
Just don’t let his evil writing
Make your eating habits drastic
Eat your greens and come to Heaven
Where the clothes are all elastic
And the Lord’s eternal lighting system
Makes you look fantastic